IMPORTANT NOTICE

Things We Should Probably Mention

Read this. Or don't. We'll deny either way.

READING ADVISORY: HIGHLY RECOMMENDED (PROBABLY)

Official Disclaimer

LEVEL 4 WARNING

THIS WEBSITE IS A WORK OF FICTION

Spyied Intelligence Agency does not exist. We repeat: DOES NOT EXIST. Any resemblance to actual surveillance agencies, either competent or comically incompetent, is purely coincidental and probably hilarious.

If you believe this website describes a real intelligence agency, please consult a doctor. Or a librarian. Definitely not us, because we don't exist.

Do Not Attempt

Please do not try any surveillance techniques described on this website. They:

  • Won't work
  • Might get you arrested
  • Will definitely look suspicious
  • May confuse local wildlife

No Real Spying

We are not spying on you. Probably. But if we were, we'd definitely deny it. Which we are. Denying it, that is.

Note: This paragraph may or may not be true.

Satire & Humor

This website is intended for entertainment purposes. The "surveillance" described is fictional, exaggerated, and sometimes just plain silly.

Seriously, don't try to train pigeons for espionage.

Legal Fiction

Nothing on this website constitutes legal advice. If you need legal advice, consult a lawyer. Not a fictional spy agency.

Our lawyers are also fictional. Probably.

Specific Things We're Not Responsible For

01

Pigeon-Related Incidents

Any attempts to use pigeons for surveillance, message delivery, or general espionage are undertaken at your own risk. We accept no responsibility for:

  • Defective pigeons
  • Pigeons that join rival agencies
  • Pigeon unionization efforts
  • Excessive pigeon pooping
02

Coffee-Based Surveillance Failures

Using coffee mugs as listening devices is not recommended and probably won't work. We're not liable for:

  • Burnt tongues from hot "surveillance" coffee
  • Caffeine-induced paranoia
  • Espresso machine explosions (they happen)
  • Bad coffee leading to bad intelligence
03

Plant Listening Device Issues

Plants are terrible at keeping secrets and worse at surveillance. We deny responsibility for:

  • Plants that stop listening
  • Plants that gossip with other plants
  • Overwatering causing plant chatter
  • Ferns with attitude problems
04

Trenchcoat Malfunctions

Trenchcoats are for looking mysterious, not actual surveillance. We're not responsible for:

  • Trenchcoat-related tripping hazards
  • Dry cleaning bills
  • Failed "mysterious" appearances
  • Getting trenchcoat stuck in doors
05

Agent Confusion

Our fictional agents sometimes forget they're fictional. We accept no liability for:

  • Agents blending in too well
  • Agents forgetting which side they're on
  • Cover stories that don't cover enough
  • General befuddlement
06

Website Reality Confusion

This website exists in a quantum state of existence. We're not liable for:

  • Believing we're real
  • Questioning your own reality
  • Existential crises
  • Confusion about what's satire

Reality Check Quiz

VERIFY YOUR UNDERSTANDING

Test your comprehension of this disclaimer. Check all that apply:

WRONG. We're fictional. Pay attention!
NO. Absolutely not. Please don't.
CORRECT! You're getting it!
MAYBE. They're better than some humans.
EXCELLENT! You passed the test!

Final & Most Important Warning

THIS IS SATIRE

We cannot stress this enough: NONE OF THIS IS REAL.

Not a real intelligence agency
Not conducting real surveillance
Not training real pigeons (probably)
Not using real trenchcoats (maybe)
Not making real coffee (this one hurts)

Still Confused?

If you're still unsure about the fictional nature of this website, please:

Re-read this disclaimer

Slowly. Out loud if necessary.

Consult a professional

Doctor, librarian, or reality-check specialist.

Have some coffee

Real coffee, not surveillance coffee.

Talk to a pigeon

They'll set you straight. Probably.

Emergency Contact (for extreme confusion):

1-800-NOT-REAL
[email protected]
Carrier Pigeon #47