Decades of Discreet Observation

Founded in 1987 by three former librarians who realized they were better at observing people than organizing books. We've grown from a small operation in a basement to a global network of "completely normal" surveillance specialists.

Our History of Covert Excellence

Key moments in our journey from humble beginnings to questionable prominence.

1987
FOUNDED

The Accidental Beginning

Three librarians start "Spyied" after realizing their library surveillance skills could be monetized.

First Office: Library Basement
Initial Staff: 3
Success Rate: 47%
First client: A local bakery wanting to know why their croissants kept disappearing.
1992
INNOVATION

The Pigeon Protocol

Developed our first animal-assisted surveillance program. Pigeons proved excellent for urban reconnaissance.

Pigeons Trained: 127
Lost Pigeons: 43
Successful Drops: 84%
Some pigeons developed gambling habits at local parks.
1998
EXPANSION

The Great Trenchcoat Acquisition

Purchased bulk order of trenchcoats from failing detective supply store.

Trenchcoats: 250
Fedoras Included: Yes
Suspicion Level: Elevated
Agents reported feeling "30% more mysterious" and more likely to stand near foggy windows.
2005
TECHNOLOGY

Digital Transition

Moved from handwritten notes to "encrypted" Excel spreadsheets.

Computers Purchased: 42
Paperclips "Lost": 1,247
IT Support Calls: Daily
Several agents preferred the "classic notepad behind newspaper" method.
2013
SPECIALIZATION

Botanical Division Established

Created specialized unit for plant-based surveillance.

Listening Plants: 89
Plants That Died: 23
Green Thumbs: 7
Ferns are excellent listeners but terrible at keeping secrets. Rubber plants proved most reliable.
2023
PRESENT DAY

Current Operations

Operating in 47 countries with 156 active agents, specializing in unconventional surveillance.

Countries: 47
Active Agents: 156
WiFi: Much Better
Still based in the library basement. Three books are still overdue.

Executive Leadership Team

The brilliant (and slightly suspicious) minds behind our operations.

Director Sterling

Founder & Chief Observer

Former head librarian with exceptional shushing abilities. Can identify a person by their footsteps from 50 meters.

Years of Service 36
Books Read 14,892
Gray Sweaters 247
Suspects Shushed 1,247
Collection of 247 identical gray sweaters
CLASSIFIED

Agent Finch

Head of Field Operations

Former ornithologist who applies bird-watching techniques to human surveillance. Can remain perfectly still for up to 6 hours.

Bird Species 487
Hours Motionless 2,154
Park Benches 14
Coffee Intake High
Successfully disguised as park bench for 3 days
RESTRICTED

Tech Director Byte

Chief Technology Officer

Former video game developer who now creates surveillance gadgets. Believes every problem can be solved with the right gadget.

Gadgets Created 312
Coffee Cups/Day 8
"I Can Build That" Daily
Sleep Hours 3-4
Known for saying "I can build that" about literally anything
CONFIDENTIAL

Our Core Principles

The values that guide our unconventional approach to surveillance.

Discreet Observation

We believe the best surveillance is the kind nobody notices. Our agents blend in so well, they occasionally forget they're working.

Case Study: Agent successfully posed as office potted plant for 6 months. Required watering twice weekly.

Creative Solutions

When conventional methods fail, we get creative. Our most successful operations often involve pigeons, potted plants, or pastries.

Case Study: Used drone disguised as pizza delivery to surveil corporate retreat. Bonus: actual pizza delivered.

Plausible Deniability

Every operation is designed to be completely deniable. If asked, we're just tourists/bird watchers/lost/joggers.

Case Study: Agent's cover as "confused tourist" so convincing, locals gave him directions for 3 months.

Caffeinated Excellence

We believe great surveillance requires great coffee. Our agents are trained in both observational techniques and espresso preparation.

Case Study: Cafe-based surveillance operation resulted in best latte art in the city. Intel was decent too.

By The Numbers

Quantifying our "success" in measurable terms.

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Years in Operation
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Active Agents
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Countries
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Cups of Coffee
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Trained Pigeons
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Trenchcoats
0
Listening Plants
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Overdue Books

Frequently Unasked Questions

Questions nobody asks but we answer anyway.

Is Spyied a real intelligence agency?

That depends on your definition of "real." We certainly have offices (mostly basements), agents (mostly former librarians), and operations (mostly involving pigeons). But if you're asking if we're legally recognized as an intelligence agency, the answer is "probably not in most jurisdictions."

Do your agents actually use trench coats and fedoras?

Only on Tuesdays and when the weather calls for dramatic flair. Most of the time, our agents wear "completely normal civilian attire" that just happens to have discreet pockets for surveillance equipment. The trench coat budget was significantly reduced after the Great Raincoat Incident of 1999.

How do you train your pigeons?

Through a combination of positive reinforcement (bread crumbs), classical conditioning (bell ringing), and mild threats involving cats. Our avian training program has a 68% success rate, though some pigeons develop what we call "independent contractor syndrome" and refuse to follow orders.

What happens if an agent gets caught?

Standard protocol involves looking confused, claiming to be a lost tourist, and if that fails, offering the person a coffee. Our agents carry "panic pastries" - baked goods to distract and delight potential captors. It works 73% of the time.

Can I really hire you to follow my neighbor's cat?

We don't discuss specific clients or operations, but hypothetically, our Feline Surveillance Division (FSD) has extensive experience in cat monitoring. Rates vary based on whether the cat is indoor/outdoor, has a predictable routine, and accepts treats from strangers. We recommend starting with our basic "Where Does Mittens Go?" package.